Is this blog on??
Hello friends! It’s been a long time!
It wasn’t intentional. Every week for the past few months, I’ve said to myself: I need to write a post. But every time I found myself with spare time and an opportunity to write, I just couldn’t get the words out. Part of that is because the past few months have been tough. Both A and I have had major projects at work, and didn’t take any summer vacation. We’re burnt out.
The kids are wonderful; they’re constantly amazing us. But they’re a challenge. Molly turned three in August and we’re dealing with some listening issues. And Oliver…well, Oliver (now 18 months) popped out 8 new teeth over a two month time span and was sleeping like a newborn as a result. Until recently he was waking up every 1-2 hours! Rough.
To save my sanity, I had to let go of the guilt I was feeling by not blogging. And so it’s been here languishing.
I miss it desperately.
Blogging has always been an outlet for me. From the beginning as I fumbled my way through the world of dating, then leaping into a relationship with A and finally embracing motherhood as I’ve always longed to do.
Now that I’m a few years into my roles as wife and mother, I find myself less inclined to use this space to explore those areas of my life. Part of it is that though crazy, things are safe and secure. I have no real cause to vent and don’t want this space to become a mess of complaints.
I’ve thought about shutting this site down. I’ve thought long and hard about that. But there are still areas of my life I want to share. Areas that bring me joy and happiness, but also that challenge me. I think that exploring those things are crucial to maintaining ME. Maintaining my sense of self.
I’m not ready to announce anything yet but I’m hoping that in a couple of months I’ll be able to rebrand and mould and focus According to C into something new and exciting.
I hope you’ll all be patient and join me for the ride when the time is right!
I’ve been noticing the past few weeks how my baby boy is losing the ‘baby’ and is very much a little boy now! At his 15 month appointment a couple of weeks ago, our doctor asked how many words he was saying. At the time, not many. I wasn’t too worried, since he has more than met all other milestones. But all of a sudden his vocabulary is exploding! Intermixed with his constant babble are words like ‘cracker’, ‘bubbles’, ‘meatballs’, ‘poppy’, and just today, ‘pasta’ (notice the dominance of food terminology…he loves his food!).
And thank heavens he’s FINALLY sleeping well. He’s still waking about once a night to nurse (more about that in a bit) but it’s not until around 3am (having gone to sleep at 7:30) and then he goes back to sleep until at least 6. Phew! It’s made a huge difference for me. If he happens to wake up earlier, which sometimes he does, I have A go up and settle him back down. I love that it’s not just me anymore!
We’re still gung ho with nursing. And since he’s sleeping better, I’m ok with that. He nurses a lot when I’m at home. A lot. He doesn’t seem to be slowing down anytime soon. I’m ok for another few months I think. I would prefer he wean on his own but I would prefer it sooner rather than later :-)
In one months time, my baby girl will be three years old. Three! How is it that we have a three year old?? How will I possibly make it to four?? Lol. Sort of. Molly has been giving us a run for our money lately. We never know what will set her off. We try our best to give her advanced notice of a change in activity but sometimes it’s not enough and all hell breaks loose. I know it’s normal behaviour, but it’s hard.
All that aside, we are incredibly proud of our girl! She’s so smart and funny and very kind. We get nothing but glowing reports from her preschool (same goes for Oliver) and her teachers are always saying how helpful she is and how kind she is to other students. She’s quite loving and is amazing with her little brother. They get along really well!
Well, I’m sleeping better, which is great. So great. I can’t even tell you how exhausted I was! I don’t handle being tired very well. I’m still not always on top of things (getting stuff done with two kids is impossible!), but I do my best and at least I’m not exhausted AND frustrated. Work is going really well, with a busy summer ahead of us. A is busy at work too over the next few months, so no summer vacation for us. We might take some time off in the fall.
We’re not all work and no play though! Summer means trips to my parent’s trailer, cottage visits and lots of gardening! I’m trying square foot gardening this year and with the exception of my cucumbers and peas having a run in with a rabbit, everything is growing well.
As always, instagram is a great place to find me these days (link in the right sidebar)! It’s a lot faster to upload a pic and a lot less work than encouraging my brain to write coherent sentences.
I hope everyone’s summer is off to a lovely start! Stay cool!
We took the plunge and sleep trained Oliver over the weekend. I had an epic meltdown on Thursday night. He wouldn’t stop nursing and every time I thought he was asleep and tried to put him down, he’d wake up. I even tried having him in our bed but as soon as I rolled away from him he would try to climb up onto me. I was exhausted from a rough time the night before (he was up 7 times!) and not feeling well. It was the last straw. I was ready to have him go to sleep by himself.
So Friday night we followed the same steps we did when we sleep trained Molly. Read him a story, tuck him in and leave, setting a timer for 5 minutes. Of course he cried and A went in after the time was up and comforted him a bit before leaving again. The timer went on again, this time for 10 minutes. And it never went off. He was out about 7 minutes in! Subsequent naps and bedtime have gone really well, with him fussing for only a few minutes before settling.
It was hard hearing him cry but not as bad as it was with Molly. Molly rarely cried as a baby, so when she did it killed me to hear it. With Oliver though, because he’s been fussy since day one, I’m a bit used to it. I didn’t like knowing that he wanted me to comfort him and I was denying him that, but I need this separation for my health.
I don’t regret not doing it sooner. I had to do it when the time was right for me and when I knew he wouldn’t fight us on it too much. And of course he’s still nursing and getting comfort in the night. I’m not willing to cut him off completely yet. I’d still like to give him a chance to night wean on his own. But I’m not nursing him back to sleep in the night. I’m pulling him off after a few minutes and putting him back down somewhat awake.
With both kids I’ve stayed true to my parenting motto: you do what you do as long as it works for you. When it doesn’t work anymore, make a change and don’t regret how you handled things before. There’s too much negativity surrounding various parenting choices which causes mom’s to experience self-doubt and self-criticism. I don’t need that crap in my life. No one does.
Here’s to (hopefully) more sleep!
On I’m Alive…
Gasp! I know, you’re surprised to ‘see’ me. I hate that it’s been so long. There are moments everyday when I think “I should blog about xyz” but it just doesn’t happen. I could blame the kids. I could blame work. I could blame keeping house. But the truth is that in my free time (and I have time to myself during my commute to and from work, so free time does exist), I don’t want to think. Thinking is exhausting and thoughts are required to write. I’ll read or play candy crush, anything really except think.
It’s not like I don’t have things to share.
I would love to chat about:
● the recent changes to our sex education curriculum in Ontario (finally!)
● the #normalizebreastfeeding campaign (yes!!!)
● how in my opinion, the language so called experts use to describe child rearing is detrimental to mothers (bad habits, accidental parenting etc)
I would love to write properly about:
● the gorgeous pie I made recently (visit my instagram to see a pic)
● my attempt at baking macarons (again, instagram…not much thinking required with instagram)
● all the family friendly crock pot meals I’ve been making
● how meal planning is making our lives so much easier
● our closet renovation (it makes me swoon)
● saying farewell to my maternity clothes
You wouldn’t believe:
● how big Oliver is getting
● how fast he toddles around
● that Molly is learning about time (“not in a minute mommy, in a second!”) And distance (“my house is far away”) and can count by tens
But to expand on all of that seems exhausting. Oliver still wakes several times a night. On work days I’m up at 5:30 and not much later than that on days off. If I’m not working I’m cleaning or playing or cooking or nursing. Most nights I’m in bed shortly after the kids, and on really good nights I catch an hour or so of time with the hubby before I conk out.
So I am indeed alive. And very much living my life. I just wish I had the brain power to write about it!!
Someday I’ll get my thoughts back. Just you wait! You won’t be able to get rid of me then
On The Weather…
It’s snowing as I start this post. Snowing. On the 24th of April.
On When it Rains…
…it pours. Into our house apparently. We’ve sprung a leak! We discovered it Monday morning after a
particularly rainy and extremely windy night. The insurance company is still compiling their report so we don’t know the exact cause yet.
Also, our stove is broken. The oven itself won’t heat up. The repair will be half the cost of a new stove, so we’re just going to bite the bullet and get a new one. Ours is 10 years old anyways.
We’ve entered an age of potty humour. I didn’t think it happened this young but the other night we were joking about where the iPad could be…behind my back, under the bed, in my hair…when Molly says “is it in my bum? Is it in my toot?”
It was pretty funny!!
My little buddy is walking really well now! He can really motor before he topples over. It sounds weird but it’s making life a bit easier, particularly for going outside. He pushes his little car to the park and can walk around the playground as opposed to crawling in the dirt and wood chips.
He’s still not sleeping well but it is what it is for the moment.
On the Golden Pair…
A and I did our Briggs – Meyer personality tests online…he’s INTP and I’m INFJ. Quite interesting to read! Apparently, as a match we’re referred to as the Golden Pair. Awwww :-)
On Getting Away…
We both have busy work schedules this summer, so vacation isn’t in the plans, but we do have a night away booked for just the two of us in June! I’m super excited! It’ll be our first overnight away from the kids!
On the Weather Part Two…
It’s still snowing. Wtf.
On It’s Been Awhile…
It’s been forever, I know. Our new way of life, with me as a working mom, is crazy busy! And that’s just working three days a week!
The first weeks back at work have been great. I’m getting used to the routine of things and settling back into my job.
On Missing My Kids…
It’s strange to say, but I like missing my kids. I like feeling excited to see them when I pick them up. I like listening to their chatter. I feel like I appreciate them more and that’s a good feeling.
Winter was hard. It was so incredibly cold and we were housebound a lot. By the end of those days I was exhausted and just wanted them to sleep. I didn’t like wishing away time with my babies and though I would obviously prefer to be at home with them now, I’m in a much better mental state than I was. It wasn’t depression, rather a mental exhaustion from being vigilant all the time. Being at work gives my mind a rest and it’s making me a better mom.
My baby is walking!! He took his first real steps last Thursday and hasn’t looked back. I’m just thrilled I was able to see it and he didn’t do it at day care. Speaking of, he’s doing really well there. Every day I get a positive report. It’s really comforting to me to know he’s being cared for so well.
We’re still going strong with nursing. He’s showing no signs of stopping and I’m fine with that right now, though I wouldn’t be sad if he stopped nursing at night. He’s still waking several times and it’s tough. But I still want to give him a chance to sleep through on his own, just like Molly did at 14 months.
Oh Miss Molly. Every day she entertains us with her chatter and antics. She’s learning her numbers and letters and loves to sing us songs. Her imagination is rampant and I’m amazed at how well she plays, both on her own and with others. One moment I just have to share happened this past easter weekend. I asked her if she was ready for the Easter egg hunt. She then kept asking for the Easter c*nt. A and I couldn’t stop laughing! She combined the sounds of egg and hunt into one inappropriate sounding event!
I’ve been sick for a month. It’s awful! But that’s how it is when your kids are in day care and are germ factories. But I take heart. My doctor said to me once that either they’re in day care now, exposed to the germs, or we isolate them now and they’re exposed when they go to school. I’m hoping we’ll all have iron strong immune systems by that point :-)
Other than that, I’m great. My weight is holding nicely and my clothes are even a little loose. Though Easter treats may take care of that problem.
We’re settling into our daily routine. My meal planning effots are working out nicely and I hope to post about it soon. The kids tend to melt down after 6:45 on work nights so having quick meals ready to go has been key.
Overall, I’m feeling good about things. I wish I could blog more but it is what it is. Maybe once I’m getting more sleep and not going to bed at 8:30-9pm I’ll be able to get more done. I’ll worry about that when the time comes :-)
Happy first birthday to our handsome baby boy! Despite giving us a run for our money sometimes, you are so incredibly sweet and full of joy. I can’t wait to see what’s next!